I Deleted Social Media—And God Exposed My Idolatry Behind the Screen
“Do you think you’ll ever get back on social media?” my friend asks me.
“Hmm…I don’t know. I have loved being off of it, and I really don’t miss it. I would have to pray about getting back on, because the Lord would have to make it very clear to me.”
To continue explaining how walking away from social media drastically changed me, I have to do the opposite of making an IG-worthy post about the good and beautiful, and pull you through the screen to share the ugly reality of my heart. No pressure to like, comment, or share this one.
While I was contemplating the decision to delete my social media accounts, I had made a list of pros and cons in the love-hate relationship of staying on social media. In my previous post, I shared specifically how I was able to overcome the obstacles of losing the good, positive things, and how my life became even better after I deactivated my accounts.
In this post, I will explain how the negative effects of social media were indeed destroying me. The following is my unedited cons list of being on social media:
Time waster
Distraction
Not present with kids sometimes
Get on when lonely
Usually feel worse afterward
I’m not enough, I’m not doing enough, I need to do X, Y, Z
Overwhelmed
Comparison trap:
Highlight reels of others’ lives
Material things, houses, vacations, awards
Physical beauty
Women: Career + family struggle
Friendships
As an author:
Compare myself to others in how they use social media
Pressure to do all the tricks to help me reach a bigger audience
Rate success by likes, comments, shares, and who sees my stories
See people as numbers instead of people
Envious of success
You would think I would have taken one look at that list and immediately decided to be done with it. Reading it now—facepalm. Yet I actually wrote it out a year before I had the courage and conviction to delete social media! I believed the good outweighed the bad. I also gave into the lie that I could handle all of the negative influences around it.
After all, we all struggle with envy, discontentment, and loneliness. Sin is everywhere, not only on social media. My “little” sins aren’t that bad. I’ll try harder not to be envious or compare. I’ll turn off notifications…etc., etc., etc.
All lies from the enemy to keep me trapped longer—blinded by the sinful roots permeating my heart, and deceived into thinking it’s not that bad. But God’s Word warns,
“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45, NKJV)
Also, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23, NIV)
Evil starts in the heart and comes out in our thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors. To start with the latter, the list revealed some of my negative behaviors regarding social media:
I wasted time by doom scrolling—time that will never be given back that could have been used for God’s glory, prayer, meaningful relationships, etc. (If you missed my previous post, read about what I was missing until social media was gone.)
It distracted me from living in the reality in front of me and not behind a screen.
I often chose social media over time/life with my husband and children.
I became dependent on it to soothe loneliness. (Which only intensified my loneliness!)
These behaviors with social media then affected my attitude and inner disposition—I lost my joy and peace. I was bitter, envious, and anxious. After a time of scrolling, I put down my phone and felt worse about myself and my life, not encouraged. It left my soul empty, not life-giving.
Why was I responding this way? Because of the thoughts I allowed to permeate my mind that changed my beliefs. I shared in my previous post how certain lies kept me trapped into believing that social media was absolutely necessary for gathering and sharing information and keeping up-to-date on people’s lives. The Spirit continued to expose more false beliefs that were being influenced by social media, causing me to worship idols I had set up in my heart over the worship of my Creator.
The Spirit was trying to get my attention for years, up to the day I finally deleted social media, that my fleshly heart worshipped value, purpose, and affirmation. I searched for ways that made me feel like I had value. I wanted to have purpose in this life, and I would do what I could to fulfill that. I desired to be accepted and affirmed—that what I did was making a difference, a positive impact, and was part of something bigger for the kingdom of God.
But these desires have led me down dark paths of finding value, purpose, and affirmation in the wrong things instead of my identity in Jesus Christ alone—His beloved and accepted daughter because of who He is and what He has done for me. That alone is enough and will always be enough. Instead, the lies I have believed are:
“There’s more out there.”
“What you do is not enough.”
“You aren’t making as much of a difference for the Kingdom as so-and-so.”
“You have to do more.”
Therefore, social media was becoming the standard and the means to fulfill my worship of self over God’s will and glory. My comparison of other women in almost every area of life was the measure of how well I was doing. And since social media shows mostly the highlights, the successes, and the filtered versions of life, of course I felt like a failure…
“Well, shoot, she’s a mom and a career woman and a wife and has her own business and…”
“Oh, that homeschool mom has it all together! I should be doing that curriculum, or that co-op, or that teaching method.”
“Wow, I wish I had a group of girlfriends that go out all the time together. No one invites me…”
“How did she get so many followers as an author and blogger? She’s making such a huge impact! Oh, that’s right, you were rejected by a publisher; she wasn’t.”
“Is she even real, because I’ll never look like that.”
These were my honest, vulnerable thoughts, resulting in those beliefs that I wasn’t enough, and therefore, I must try harder and do more to be valued, have purpose, and affirmation. If impact was equal to likes, shares, comments, views, and follows, then I was feeling pressured to follow the rules to promote and post. I was tempted to see people as numbers and not individuals.
Unfortunately, social media fosters this mindset even if the goal is ministry. Someone who worked for a Christian publisher approached Brett and me about writing more books. She asked if I was on social media because they would consider me if I had at least 250,000 followers. Ha! Even if I was on all the platforms, no way was I close to that number.
Basically, that said, “You have something important to say to us only if you have so many followers.” It’s a business. I get it. But what if I never make it to that number? Should I then close my laptop right now and stop writing? God’s business model is not man’s, because He has been showing Brett and me time and time again throughout our lives that what He does through us is…
“ ‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the LORD of hosts.” (Zechariah 4:6, NKJV)
The truth is that I don’t need to work the system for Him to use me. I don’t want to be able to say, “Because I manipulated the algorithms or did X, Y, and Z, that’s why my message is effectively reaching so many people!” God doesn’t need social media for His will through me to be accomplished. It’s definitely an effective tool, and there has been a tremendous impact for the spread of the gospel, but following the right rules of being a "content creator” or “influencer” is not the only way I can make a great impact. Yet I was tempted to put my hope and trust in the world’s source rather than the Source.
Furthermore, deep down I believed that whatever I did only meant something or had purpose if someone saw me do it. If people bought my book and read it, then it was worth writing. If people read my blog, then it has purpose. If I shared something in my life that brings praise to God, then I am an encouragement and being used to help others and point them to Him.
Brett brought this wrong belief to my attention one day when I expressed my regret that I had ever stopped playing the piano. I concluded, “What’s the point of trying to play again? It’s not like I would use it for anything.” His response was, “Just because no one is watching doesn’t mean it’s not an act of worship to the Lord who sees you.”
The mindset that “it’s only of value and has purpose if seen” has been a stronghold that I have been demolishing with the Spirit’s power. Rooting out that lie has impacted everything I do, and because I’m not displaying my life on social media, I have seen the fruit of worshiping the Lord in the unseen areas of my life—
The journals full of written evidence of the Lord’s changing work in me, a computer folder full of writings that have never been published, worship-dancing alone, cleaning my house, teaching my kids over and over, praying in secret, texting a friend a word of encouragement, leaving an abundant tip for the waiter who is expecting twins and quickly sneaking away (Oh, we see you bro!), and on and on.
Social media has pulled us into the deceiving trap that what is seen is worthy. The overabundance of addictive “shorts" proves my point, and how some people feel they must give us a play-by-play of everything in their life.
Yet Jesus teaches the opposite in the Sermon on the Mount—we must not be like the Pharisee who stood out among the masses, and in so many words, said, “Look at me.” “I am valuable and accepted because I’m doing _____.” If social media existed, he would have been taking a selfie and then posting it. Oh, and my personal favorite—posting a selfie with a Bible verse. (Insert sarcasm. Wait, whose attention am I supposed to be focusing on here?)
Jesus warns us “not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven…Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full!” (Matthew 6:1-2, NIV) If other people see what we are doing, that is our reward!
Think about that for a moment and how that applies to social media and our society. The dopamine hit from all the likes, comments, and shares? Rewards. Monetary gain from our “influence”? Reward. The awards in our houses from achievements? Reward. All seen by men—thatis the reward.
Rather, “do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you” (Matthew 6:3-4, NIV). I don’t know about you, but I increasingly desire the eternal rewards in my Father’s kingdom over any reward I can gain from man here on earth.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer makes an excellent commentary on these verses in his book The Cost of Discipleship:
“[Jesus] calls a halt to the innocent spontaneous joy we get from making our Christianity visible. He calls us to reflect on what we are doing…The better righteousness of the disciples must have a motive which lies beyond itself. Of course it has to be visible, but they must take care that it does not become visible simply for the sake of becoming visible. There are of course proper grounds for insisting on the visible nature of Christian discipleship, but the visibility is never an end in itself; and if it becomes so we have lost sight of our primary aim, which is to follow Jesus.”
I highly recommend you read Chapter 14: The Hidden Righteousness (in addition to his entire book—read it here!) He further explains the contrast between “let your light so shine before men” (Matt. 5:16) and yet, take heed that you hide it! (Matt. 6:1-4).
The Bible is filled with examples of the humble, lowly, unseen, and last. When we find ourselves hidden in this posture, it’s because we have grasped onto the truth that our value, purpose, and affirmation can only come from Jesus Christ, our Creator, not the content we create to be seen by others.
The Spirit brought to light another snare that I fell into with social media. In his book, The Awe of God, John Bevere explains the difference between our perceived image (how others see us), our projected image (the way we desire others to see us), and our actual image (who we really are, fully visible to God). Social media is the pinnacle place where we can control our projected image—people only see what we want them to see.
John states,
“In today’s world our perceived image carries greater weight than our actual image. Our reputation is what we will protect. This is not what will be revealed and examined at the judgment; rather it will be our actual image, which centers around our motives and intentions.”
Guilty again. The Spirit convicted me of how easy it is to give off a projected image so that others will perceive me a certain way, when all the while my actual image does not truthfully line up with it. This is why social media can be a façade, only giving the highlight reel, while behind the screen we may be falling apart, depressed and anxious, in bondage to sin, hiding our flaws with filters, etc. Even if life is going well and we want to share all the blessings, we can be tempted to be controlled by the affirmation we gain from our perceived images.
How terrifying that our Lord sees it all and is not fooled; He will judge our motives, either now (Ananias and Sapphira, anyone?), or in His presence on judgment day (see 1 Tim. 5:24, 1 Cor. 4:5). My fear of God is becoming greater than the fear of man—I’d rather give up social media than succumb to the possibility of deceiving people that I have it all together or my life is always amazing when that’s never the case.
Until I believed and lived out the truth that my value, purpose, and affirmation only comes from Jesus, why would God bless me if I had the wrong motives and was worshiping my idols over Him? I was starting to make it about me and what I could get out of the use of social media to satisfy those desires. How ugly and shameful is that—using God’s message and my gifting for my own gain.
We all can dangerously teeter into using the work of God and our work for God to appease our idolatry. If we are honest, I think we all find ourselves guilty in some capacity of this as we battle our sinful flesh. We justify that we are trying to make an income, share God’s truth and the gospel, impact people, make a positive change in society, etc. all in the name of Jesus.
But we must humbly and honestly ask: Or is it truly all in the name of ourselves?
No matter how we use social media, God is more concerned about our motive behind the use of His message. In the book, Social Sanity in an Insta World, Ruth Chou Simons’ words are convicting:
“Social media makes God’s work in your life accessible to many. If the goal is to make God’s faithfulness in our lives known, then we must cultivate truly knowing the faithfulness of God in our lives off social media. We can’t give away what we don’t truly possess. When we think of social media less as a place to produce and more of a place where we overflow, then the time spent on any platform stops becoming the destination and is, instead, the vehicle. Remember that your presence on social media is not primarily about your message, your talents, your mission, or your income. It’s about God’s imprint on your life—at all times, on and off social media—and how it affects everything he’s given you to do.”
Whatever I want to say or display, it’s God’s message and His imprint on my life. These years away from social media has allowed me to “cultivate truly knowing the faithfulness of God in my life off social media.” Life is truly about Him and for Him, not me—not about what I can give or do for Him, how people perceive me, how many people I reach, and what is seen. Without the crutch of social media, I’ve been finding my value, purpose, and affirmation in His faithful love, grace, and acceptance through Jesus Christ. He is the standard and the means.
Because I no longer have the standard of other women’s lives to compare myself to, I also have been able to be the “me” that God created me to be. I no longer am tempted to conform to social media’s benchmark of what makes a "good enough” mom, wife, homeschool teacher, author, friend, godly woman, homemaker, etc. Since those voices have been silenced, I seek the Lord’s wisdom and guidance for my life and am obedient to what He asks of me. Wow, can I hear Him so much more clearly!
What so-and-so is doing is not what I have been called to. She doesn’t have my husband and his specific calling and career, my children, my gifts and talents, my friends, my church community, my sin temptations, my sufferings, my financial status, my disease, etc. Nor do I have hers.
I can rest in being “His handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that [ I ] should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10, NKJV), and “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6, NIV). Anxiety and envy have been replaced with peace and joy.
If I never get on social media again, I am enough because He is enough. But to come back to that question from my friend that started this all, “Do you think you’ll ever get back on social media?”
Maybe. Maybe not. I will be praying about it. I do believe it can be used in a God-glorifying way, and He uses people in different ways, whether through social media or not. Personally I was in a weakened state where I couldn’t fight anymore. It was necessary to limit my exposure to the negative influences in order to change my heart, motives, and worship.
The Spirit has been uprooting and demolishing strongholds and replacing them with His truth during this season. I would be content to be deactivated for good, but if God wants His work in my life to be accessible to more people, He would have to strongly prompt me to start again like He prompted me to let go.
If so, it will be His voice I’ll hear the loudest.
