Author. Blogger. Speaker.

I love Jesus and I write.

“I…can’t…breathe,” I whisper. It’s all I could muster.

The air seems to be sucked out of the room as I lie there waiting…waiting…waiting for that wave to crash…That wave of death and grief I know all too well.

I helplessly stare at the blue sheet in front of my face, and do the only thing I have learned to do over the past two years…

“I trust You.” Declaring truth over and over again so that I believe it, even if the wave drowns me once and for all.

Brett and Christina Varvel had two vibrant children, and they were eager to add more to their family. But at a thirteen-week-gestation appointment, instead of hearing her baby’s heartbeat, Christina heard the words, “I’m so sorry.” In her despair, she escaped into her diary to lament the death of her baby, unveiling her emotions, questions, and fears that threatened to drown her. In the midst of battling anxiety, guilt, and physical disease, the waves of death crashed over again with the shock of another baby gone too soon. She had no choice but to continue “normal” life, while wrestling with her faith and the grief that was impacting her relationships with her husband, children, and others.

What People Are Saying

“In her detailed account of the cycle of miscarriage and the effects it has on a couple, a woman, and persons of faith, Christina holds little back. Miscarriage survivors will find a friend between these pages, coupled with hope and inspiration.”

— Leslie Montgomery, author of The Faith of Mike Pence

“Christina so wonderfully takes raw feelings, thoughts and emotion and points the reader right to the One that holds the answers....Jesus Christ. I highly recommend this book to everyone. You will greatly benefit from its encouragement.”

— Lauren